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12 June 2006 @ 02:30 pm
bored....as per usual  
I am at work, bored, finding humor in random places.  I thought it was time I shared some things with you.

- If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always.

- Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

- When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

- Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

- Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

- Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

- The eruption of Mt. St. Helens was caused by the force of Vin Diesel's wrist hitting the table when he lost his first ever arm wrestling match. His opponent was Autobot commander Optimus Prime, and it was a close one.

- Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

- Vin Diesel loves saunas. In fact Vin has one in his very own house which he uses every day. It's called his fireplace.

- Vin Diesel is employed by Yellowstone Park to masturbate regularly. The resultant titanic outbursts are known as Old Faithful.

- Vin Diesel single-handedly took down an entire group of ninjas by shouting his name.

- Vin Diesel buys his clothes from the toilet store.

- Several years ago, Vin Diesel had his tonsils removed. Today we know them as Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan.

- Vin Diesel can see why kids like Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

- Vin Diesel sleep once every two weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

- There was once a time Vin Deisel was walking along a wide stretch of road when he came upon a mountain blocking his path. He punched the mountain with such might that what fell became stonehenge...the rest became the moon

-Vin Diesel has a prehensile tail that he has trained himself to knife fight with.

-Vin Diesel has a 34% chance of reflecting any and all offensive spells cast on him.

-Vin Diesel is the reason Cap'n. Crunch was turned down for his promotion to admiral.

-Vin Diesel controls the New York Stock exchange with his mind, but not the NASDAQ. He controls the NASDAQ with his heart.

-Vin Diesel does not need to normalize wave functions.

-Children trust Vin Diesel, which is bad because he doesn't trust them and so kills them to make sandwiches

-Once a year, Vin Diesel comes out from the ground, sees his shadow and screams, 'Fuck!' and scares the shit out of winter.

-Vin Diesel bought a Ferrari on Ebay for just $9.99, declaring it to be 'cheap as chips'. When it arrived he soon realised that he had been sent a 1:43 scale Die-Cast model, but drove it anyway.

-The white girl saying "Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt" in Sir-Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" video is one of Vin Diesel's lesser
 known roles.

-Vin Diesel single-handedly proved that Paul McCartney is, in fact, not dead. He did, however, kill anyone who believed or made mention of the rumour.

-Vin Diesel created all the world religions, once his eyes tired of nude cave paintings.

-Nine out of every ten married women admit to having had an affair with Vin Diesel. The other 1 in 10 didn't survive the foreplay.

-Vin Diesel once intentionally broke his collarbone into 5000 pieces. He made a new one using magic and used the broken pieces to create the Roman colloseum. When it was destroyed, Vin was furious and killed Caesar.

For more, go here.

Just hit refresh for a new fact!
The Bitch is Backasiswellknown on June 12th, 2006 10:12 pm (UTC)
Filet O' Child sandwich, eh? Did it taste of chicken? ;)