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01 October 2006 @ 01:51 pm
"even people who hate their mothers, love their mothers"  
Just had my phone date with Amanda. So much fun! I miss talking to someone who believes she is just as fucked up as you are. She's not, she is capable of commitment and willing to go for what she wants, but still comforting. And she is going to be here for 3 months next year, part of which is my birthday. Yay, my "sister" will be here for my birthday!

While we were talking I went on Craigslist, browsing for housing in her town. I have wanted to live New England since I was 10, which I have said. And I really hope it happens.

But, when I went to the kitchen to get some lunch; I made the mistake of mentioning it to my mom. "Oh, she's just gonna move back over here." Ummm...which one talks to her, and who doesn't? She doesn't get along with her dad, her brother lives in NYC, she's having problems with her boyfriend (not that I am happy about that, believe me)... Despite all her griping about me living here, I honestly don't think my mom wants me to move out. I can't live on the east side, it is way too expensive, but if I mention I am thinking of downtown, she says commuting would suck and that there is no way in hell I should do it.

"I'm just saying it would be a shame if you moved over there and she moved back here." Does she not get that this has been my dream for 11 years?!?! I say back, "Why do you have to crap over everything I say or do?!?!" She then gets an attitude of, "Well, you're the one who brought it up!" *headkitchencounter* I didn't ask your opinion, I mentioned it, and you do not have to say the most negative thing that comes to your mind, you don't have to bring me down all the damn time! I would want to move over there even if I would be all on my own. Her switching my schools in fourth grade, then me doing it again sophomore year, and then going to school in Spokane for two years have made me very adjustable. It's just nice that there is a possibility of knowing someone there. That's all!

I honestly think she gets some pleasure out of bringing me down; that she doesn't like seeing me happy. I can only be happy if she is happy.

Ok, maybe I am just a selfish bitch and I am just projecting all over her. I should probably just leave for Vermont now and live in my car until I get a job over there. Yeah, I'm not going to do that, but sometimes I really just want to drive off and never look back. At least not until I settle somewhere and be able to say, "See? I can do this! I don't need to you to dictate everything! I am a strong, independent woman!" But my self-esteem is far too low for that.

If you did read that, thank you and I am sorry; but the Wilson/asshat icon warned ya. I try to stay positive, especially here on LJ. Not because I don't think I can't confide in all of you, I believe I can. I have so few friends now IRL (excluding asiswellknown of course) who live close by. Amanda's in Vermont, Mary's in South Carolina, Laura lives in Snohomish (not that far I know) but also has a job, a boyfriend, and not a lot of time. I consider all of you real friends. And I am as open with you as I am with the aforementioned people. I just try not to be negative; because I know it makes me sad when my friends are sad. I knew I had at least a little Hufflepuff in me :P And as Slytherin through and through (trust me, I am), I will deny I ever said that.

I love you all. *hugs*

OK, have talked to the mother, and all is well...for now. I went downstairs, apologized, as did she. We then watched the Celebrity Fit Club marathon (I think I got her hooked), and said bitchy things about the contestants. She actually made a really mean, dirty joke; so my theory about being kidnapped by gypsies and put on Pete & Sue's doorstep has flown out the window.

I know we will have the same fight within a month, but for now we are ok, so I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.
Current Location: the foot of the bed
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Listening/Watching: Celebrity Fit Club
pygmaliondoll on October 2nd, 2006 09:46 am (UTC)
I empathize. See, I want the East Coast more than anything and I love my family but ANYTIME I mention that I want to move ANYWHERE everyone flips out. I always thought they were trying to bring me down, but now I think it's just that people have a hard time letting go. *hugs*
Allee: pulpfictionlady_lyca on October 2nd, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)
Hmmm...good point. *huggles*
Aelindil: O! Yoshimiaelindil on October 3rd, 2006 07:28 pm (UTC)
If ever you need a vacation, I have a very large room with a couch and lots of space! Feel free to come visit. (Yeah, I know, it's Eastern Washington. I hate it too.)
Allee: blueblondefairylady_lyca on October 3rd, 2006 07:34 pm (UTC)
Aaw! *huggles* No, I do wanna come visit you, and all the peeps I went to Eastern with. And now that I know I will have a place to stay (other than my car), I have much more motivation.

I wanna come over before there's a ton of snow on the pass. I have a friend coming into town sometime this month, and once I know when that is; we shoudl totally firm up some plans :D
Aelindilaelindil on October 3rd, 2006 07:53 pm (UTC)
I'm going home for my birthday (26th-31st, I think), but other than that, I've not much planned for the month.