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20 July 2009 @ 09:07 pm
 
So, earlier this evening I found out my friend Elisa, from middle/high school, died last Tuesday. The only info I know is that she chocked on something in her sleep and never woke up.

We weren't extremely close, I only saw her a few times in the past few years. John knew her better than anyone else in our group of friends. He told me that he remembers that Elisa specifically said she wanted to die in her sleep. Of course, we all wish it wouldn't have been so soon. She would have been 24 in August.

Although it is probably only a Juanita curse, and Elisa didn't go there, but every year since sophomore of high school someone in my graduating class has died. But I wasn't really friends with any of them before. :\

I know this may come as a surprise, but I do believe in heaven and reincarnation. Yep, an athiest who believes in the afterlife. But energies/souls/whatever don't just disappear, it's a physical impossibility. There's also the theory that when you die you meet all your ancestors and friends, and therefore we're all dead somewhere, and time is non-linear. I'm not very good at explaining physics or metaphysics, but it makes sense in my head.

Anyway, I'm okay. I feel bad about not feeling worse. I loved her, and I'll miss her; but I haven't really cried. I almost did when I called my dad to tell him and ask for time off so I can go to the funral. I hope that she knows how much everyone cared for her though, wherever she is. And that I thought she was one of the most warmhearted, caring souls I've ever met. And that I was always amazed at the vibrant, bright light I could almost see radiating out of her.

Please keep her family in your thoughts. She had a lot of brothers and sisters. And her husband. He's a great guy, and they had been married barely a year.

P.S. I remembered to tell Laura I loved her when we were done talking on the phone today. And I just want to say I love all of you guys too. I'm not very good at explaining my feelings, or even having the correct ones in the first place. But I just want to say it. There are so many different, wonderful things I see in all of you. And I am so happy I have all of you as friends, even if it is "just" online. I don't know what I would do without having my f-list to turn to, to read everyday.
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
 
 
 
Speed: impalasnarkylightning on July 21st, 2009 06:55 am (UTC)
*hugs*

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. No one should die at 23.
Alleelady_lyca on July 21st, 2009 04:11 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)

And I know! She was probably the youngest in our group.
·ɿɾ· Megan: Sadmiss_bushido on July 21st, 2009 07:01 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry, Allee. *Hugs*

I love you too.
Alleelady_lyca on July 21st, 2009 04:11 pm (UTC)
*major hugs back*

<3
polaris_86: hulk lovepolaris_86 on July 21st, 2009 12:00 pm (UTC)
Such incidents make one think about life and death...
I'm sure it's good that you wrote your thoughts down. *hugs*
Alleelady_lyca on July 21st, 2009 04:14 pm (UTC)
It really does. :(
Thank you for the support and hugs. It really means a lot. Love you!
Jess: hp. neville > no saviour am Ihazy_crazy on July 21st, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC)
I'm really sorry to hear about your old friend, Allee :( *hugs* Don't feel bad about not crying... Just because you didn't cry doesn't mean you didn't feel anything ♥ It is obvious you cared a lot about her. And I love you too :)
Alleelady_lyca on July 21st, 2009 04:16 pm (UTC)
*bear hugs* Thank you for the comment. And I know you're right, but I just needed to hear it. ♥♥♥♥
chocolate_frapp: Hugh Blue Eyeschocolate_frapp on July 21st, 2009 04:29 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. (hug)
Alleelady_lyca on July 21st, 2009 06:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks, sweetie. *clings* ♥
peytonsrecords on July 21st, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
Do not feel bad. I am sure your friend understands. You will cry when you are ready to cry. I know that I am the type that has to cry alone. So, when someone dies, my crying is delayed as well. I know it's a different reason (or at least, I think it is) for you, but again...your soul will let you cry when it's ready to.

I also get everything you've said about believing in Heaven. I really do. There may not be a God, there may be, but regardless, there is another world out there for us. <3
Alleelady_lyca on July 21st, 2009 06:24 pm (UTC)
I'm the same way. about crying alone I mean.

Thanks for reading my theories. They're why I'm not really afraid of dying. I mean, I'm afraid that'll be painful and all that. But the idea that we never really go away, or if we do it's to a better place, really gets me through.

Love you!
peytonsrecords on July 22nd, 2009 04:07 am (UTC)
I don't know what it is. I guess I just don't want all the attention when I cry. It's a very spiritual thing and yet, not so much. It may just be an affection thing.

You're welcome. I am afraid of dying, but after a certain death, I'm not so sure I am afraid of it. It's made me realize what you are saying now: You will one day be with those people again. You will one day see those people again. It is a beautiful place. Why be afraid? I guess it's the loss part. I want to always be close to the people I am close to and things I am close to.

I am afraid of that.
peytonsrecords on July 22nd, 2009 04:08 am (UTC)
Love you too, by the way. I never say it. I don't say it enough. I should say it. I shouldn't disappear. ♥
Allee: Seth hugs Joellady_lyca on July 25th, 2009 04:40 pm (UTC)
It's okay. Sometimes you need to just disappear for awhile, I totally get that, and have done it myself more than once.

As long as I know some way to contact you, it's all good. :)

♥♥♥♥

peytonsrecords on July 31st, 2009 02:33 am (UTC)
Well...you've got my LiveJournal for now, but I change them too much, lol. I don't have a cell phone anymore, but once I get one, I'll private message you the number so that we have a phone number to keep in touch by :)
(Anonymous) on July 25th, 2009 08:20 am (UTC)
from susan
I didn't cry, either, until the funeral. That's when it seems real to me, I think, or maybe when it hits me how much this will affect people.

And, yeah, in the way that friends do, I love you too. I am very grateful that I know you and have you in my life, just as I am grateful to have shared what short time we had with Elisa.
Allee: Seth hugs Joellady_lyca on July 25th, 2009 04:38 pm (UTC)
Re: from susan
The funeral was a lot harder than I thought it would be, emtion wise I mean. But it was a lovely service.

So glad I have you as a friend! Love you too!